Notes from an even smaller island

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About this Book :

 

From the aunties in the hawker centres to expats dressed as bananas, from Singlish to kiasuism, and from Singaporeans at home to Singaporeans abroad, Humphreys explores all aspects of Singaporean life, taking in the sights, dissecting the culture and illuminating each place and person with his perceptive and witty observations.

 

Written by someone who is at once both insider and outsider, the book is wonderfully funny and disarmingly honest portrait of Singapore and its people.

• Singapore's national bestseller for over five years
• Now in its 13th re-print, the book has been re-designed and re-released
• Neil's nephew took the books into school for his show and tell

 

What the Media Said :

• "The book presents a warts-and-all view of the city-state and celebrates many of the things most often criticised." - BBC World
• "He pokes fun at Singaporeans… but rather than bristle at his observations, you are likely to twitch with mirth. The ribbing is always cushioned by good-natured quips often sprinkled with hilarious anecdotes." - The Sunday Times
• "A thoroughly enjoyable read on the virtues (Or hazards) of living in Singapore through the eyes of a 6 foot 4 inch Briton whose style is so disarmingly honest, you will laugh at the things you once considered the bane of existence … Decidedly Singaporean, distinctly British." - Singapore FHM
• "Humphreys' laugh-aminute self-deprecating manner makes this book very entertaining … No punches pulled. Bravo!" - Malaysia's Sunday Star

Scribbles From the Same Island

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About this Book :

 

In 2002, Neil Humphreys wrote a feature in TODAY newspaper examining inter-racial relationships in Singapore.

 

The piece attracted more public feedback than any other issue that week (including the topic of recycled water, which raised the possibility of people drinking their own piss) and a popular weekly column was born.

 

Within a year, readers (and particularly readers who were also Neil's publishers) enquired about a second book. So in 2003, Neil demonstrated a spectacular lack of originality and released a collection of his columns (with a few new ones) and his wife gave him the title: Scribbles From the Same Island.

 

His second book actually sold better than the first, initially, and succeeded in uniting two separate audiences: The original readers from his first book and the new column readers, who now went back and bought and read Notes From An Even Smaller Island for the first time.

 

As a result, Neil had both books in Singapore's national top 10 at the same time. For about three weeks, he felt like the Beatles, J K Rowling and at least a dozen unfamiliar Asian self-help authors. Critics said there was too much swearing. His mother said there wasn't enough.

 

The Back Cover :

 

Singapore's most famous Toa Payoh HDB flat-dwelling ang moh, Neil Humphreys is back with more Scribbles from the Same Island. He is not rich, doesn't own a condo, and doesn't have many expat privileges, but nonetheless manages to remain the same funny bloke happily living in the heartlands of Toa Payoh.

 

One year after his best-selling, Notes From An Even Smaller Island had the whole of Singapore laughing helplessly, Neil Humphreys is still madly in love with his humble but stimulating existence on the sunny island of Singapore.

 

So much, in fact, that he now makes a living poking gentle fun at every oddball aspect of Singaporean life. Expect to find more of his take on SPG, sex, doctors, toilets, farecards ...... all seemingly innocuous subjects but made hilarious through his witty observations.

 

Nothing is safe from Neil's humorous scrutiny. Not even the unsuspecting creatures at the zoo, and certainly not the bawdy nightlife at Geylang.

 

Scribbles From The Same Island is a collection of Neil Humphreys' columns that were first published in WEEKEND TODAY on life in Singapore. Also included are several short stories specially written for this book. The 38 pieces of writing take a humorous look at how a foreigner adapts and copes with life in the lion city as well as the regular Singaporean's reaction to his behaviour.

 

Book Bits :

• Neil's favourite chapter in all three books - The Freak - is in Scribbles ( and eventually convinced him to become a vegetarian )
• One reader was so disgusted by one of his articles that she accused him of being a man.
• In The Crocodile, Neil discovers that there is indeed a wild crocodile roaming the northern banks of Singapore. In his third book, Final Notes From A Great Island, he finds it.

 

What the Media Said :

• "Some of his observations are so bitingly spot-on, you don't know whether to laugh or just hit him on the head." - Her World
• "He is that voice in your conscience that you wish will go away and let you be that kiasu, kaypoh and uptight Singaporean that you've become." - TODAY
• "That's Humphreys' specialty - coaxing humourous thoughts from otherwise conservative minds, and making liberal thinkers gaffaw mindlessly."- Sunday Mail (Malaysia)

Final Notes from a Great Island

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About this Book :

 

Neil was watching an episode of Bargain Hunt on cable TV when he decided to write a farewell tour-type travel guide of Singapore.

 

A British programme, Bargain Hunt follows the fortunes of middle-aged, middle-class couples in bright sweaters trying to make a profit at various antique fairs. Sometimes, they made 10 whole pounds. Riveting stuff.

 

After a shitty day fighting office fires from his Toa Payoh flat, he switched on the TV, watched five minutes of Bargain Hunt and said to his wife, "sod it, I'm going to quit my job now, go off on a farewell tour, complete the trilogy and then we'll give Australia a go." And he did.

 

A few weeks later, he'd handed in his resignation, finalised book plans with his publisher and set off with a rucksack and a bottle of water each day to unearth a few rare gems in Singapore.

 

A little over six months later, Final Notes From A Great Island was the fastest selling book in the country and stayed at No.1 for almost three months. Easily Neil's favourite book, Final Notes travelled around Asia, Australia and the UK and is a popular choice with Asian literature students at the University of Hong Kong. Neil has never watched Bargain Hunt since.

 

The Back Cover :

 

The country's best-selling author and popular columnist is back. After a decade in Singapore, Neil Humphreys has decide to move on to the land Down Under because he really wanted to spend time living among the world's most poisonous snakes and roo poo.

 

But the British writer didn't want to leave the island he fell in love with 10 years ago without taking one final, kaypoh look around the place. Embarking on a farewell tour from his Toa Payoh home, Humphreys vowed to explore Singapore as he did when he first arrived, on foot and unaware, taking in his favourite places, the ulu haunts, the green spots, the clean parts and the dirty bits; the nation's underbelly and its belly dancers.

 

From Sentosa to Sembawang, Choa Chu Kang to Changi, St John's Island to Johor (he got a bit carried away), Humphreys treks, cycles and even hitchhikes his way across this great island, encountering murderous dogs, dead cats, wild crocodiles, mad cyclists, terrifying transvestites, persistent prostitutes and half-naked ice cream vendors.

 

Humphreys' unique tours take in the glorious countryside of Lim Chu Kang, the serene beaches of Kusu Island, the history of Changi, the pristine public toilets of Raffles Hotel and the mating couples of Mount Faber to prove, once and for all, that there is so much more to Singapore than shopping malls.

 

Honest, insightful and funny, Final Notes From a Great Island is a warm, uplifting tribute to Singapore and every Singaporean (and tourist, employment pass holder and permanent resident for that matter) should read it.

 

Book Bits :

• One of the only books of this kind to enjoy the rare distinction of being available in Singapore supermarkets, the Jurong Bird Park and Ikea.
• With book in hand, several Singaporeans and tourists were spotted at various locations mentioned, following Neil's tour.
• A parent called Neil and asked if her son could read extracts in the national public-speaking finals. Neil was delighted, but suggested picking a passage with no f-words or Hokkien.

 

What the Media Said :

• "Neil Humphreys gives readers a wonderful inside look at Singapore from an outsider's point of view. And it's all written in an honest and humorous way. As soon as I started reading, it felt like I was in Singapore and actually visiting the places Humphreys talks about. He describes the people, places and the city in such vivid detail." - Galaxie Magazine (Malaysia)
• "Final Notes from a Great Island is a great read because it's full of little scenarios that we can relate to in our daily lives. Far from trying to tackle the big issues, Humphreys is adept at capturing those tiny idiosyncrasies that make us who we are as people." - IS Magazine

Complete Notes from Singapore - The Omnibus Edition

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About this Book :

 

Ten years after the incident happened, Neil ended up right back where he started: introducing a book that includes a semi-naked landlady.

 

The only difference was there were now three titles in one volume. Released in 2007, Complete Notes From Singapore was the dumpwee box set (read the books for dumpwee explanation).

 

Neil was reluctant to release an omnibus edition because it had "cash-in" written all over it, but it was reader driven.

 

The books' distributor decided to release a few three-in-one packs and they sold in their thousands; sold out, in fact.

 

Neil was delighted to have his own packet of three, but the packaging was fiddly for the distributor, the book-seller and the buyer, so Neil agreed to an omnibus only if he could offer extra stuff, including a new introduction, an epilogue to bring the story up to date in Australia and some pictures of half-naked ladies.

 

He believes there is no other series of books that begin in Dagenham, travel through Singapore and end up in Geelong. If there is, he wants to read it immediately.

 

Neil initially wanted to do a George Lucas and create a director's cut by beefing up the funny bits and deleting all the crap bits. If nothing else, he was rather keen on removing several of the 27,000 "fucks" littered in Scribbles.

 

In the end, he left well alone. Why edit stories involving midnight funerals, 'cuckoo birds' and killer dogs anyway?

 

The Back Cover :

 

Almost 200 years ago, an Englishman by the name of Stamford Raffles landed on the shores of Singapore and the rest, shall we say, is history.

 

A decade ago, another Englishman came to Singapore and left behind a wholly different legacy. Notes from an even Smaller Island, Scribbles from the Same Island and Final Notes from a Great Island are three widely-acclaimed offerings by Neil Humphreys detailing his own Singapore story of a man who came, who saw and who fell in love with the tiny tropical nation.

 

Complete Notes from Singapore: The Omnibus Edition brings together all three best-selling books for an insightful account of one man's relationship with Singapore and Singaporeans that has spanned an entire decade.

 

Book Bits :

• Colin Goh, the creator of Singapore's most popular satirical website talkingcock.com and the writer/director of the superb film Singapore Dreaming, wrote the foreword
• The epilogue looks at Neil's first year in Australia
• The illustrations in the book by Cheng Puay Koon are all based on real incidents
• Neil's wife took the juggling photo outside their home in Australia. Some people believe he was really juggling those books at the time
• Yes, it was the same shirt as the other three books; Neil plans to be buried in it

 

What his book distributor/book talk co-host said :

 

"Of all the authors and books I have had the pleasure, and pressure, of promoting, Neil and his books have been among the most fun.

 

I mean, how often do you get to do an author talk/tour where you can take the piss out of the author, make him drink piss, err, I mean, NewWater, tell him to shut up and start signing books (while I get to do a talk show).

 

A dream author, Neil. His books should be made compulsory reading for every Singaporean, expat, tourist and foreign worker (did I tell you I am his distributor?)." - Leslie Lim, Pansing Distribution.

BE MY BABY ( On the Road to Fatherhood )

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About this Book :

 

WHEN Neil told his mother he was having his first baby, she suggested he should "write his usual bollocks" and turn the journey in to a daddy's diary.

 

Almost a year later, in November 2008, Be My Baby (On the Road to Fatherhood) was released in Singapore and across South-east Asia. It was distributed across Australia, by Penguin Australia, in early 2009.

 

Being an eager first-time parent, Neil hit the bookstores and libraries and noticed that many of the titles were written from the mother's perspective and he wasn't having that.

 

There's always room on the bookshelf for a sentimental journey to fatherhood from a soppy first-time dad, he thought. There are tears, laughs and far too many trips to the toilet, but Neil insists that it is one journey that every man and woman should try and take at least once in their lifetime.

 

The Back Cover :

 

When two lines appear on the pregnancy test kit, Humphreys' world is turned upside down. He is excited but clueless and urgently needs some directions. After all, his biggest responsibility to this point had been a pet hamster and he lost that twice.

 

From the moment his doctor tells him to book an obstetrician's appointment, he knows he is out of his depth - he doesn't know what an obstetrician is.

 

Humphreys deals with parents who mock his sex drive, midwives who question his usefulness, friends who share only horrific birth stories, strangers who rub his wife's belly and folks who seem to know everything there is to know about pregnancy (but often don't have kids of their own). And there's that troubling dream about her giving birth to a plastic toy lizard made in China.

 

How will he deal with his parental insecurities?

 

What's the secret to being a decent dad?

 

Will he drop his baby at the birth?

 

Both funny and poignant, Be My Baby is a frank account of Humphreys' quest to be a good father.

 

Every parent will identify with his journey and perhaps begin to realise what they themselves put their mummy and daddy through, even in the womb.

 

Book Bits :

• Neil still didn't have a name for his baby girl a day after she was born.
• Neil's wife again took the cover photograph after he complained about all the painting and decorating involved in preparing a nursery.
• He still calls his daughter a "little heifer".
• Be My Baby was the longest book to write, for obvious reasons, but the quickest to read.
• Yes, it really is the same shirt as all the other previous covers. Neil keeps it purely for sentimental reasons now, honestly, and only wears it on his book covers.

Match Fixer

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About this Book :

 

Neil's debut novel, Match Fixer, takes place inside the murky underbelly of Asian football. 'Squeaky-clean' Singapore plays host to betting syndicates, which have for decades fed off the insatiable illegal gambling habits of the local population and made a select few bookies very rich and far too powerful. Corruption is destroying The Beautiful Game in Asia and has spread its tentacles into the UK via spread betting cartels. Floodlights have been knocked out. Players jailed. Questions asked.

 

Against such a backdrop, former West Ham apprentice striker Chris Osborne arrives in Singapore for a final roll of the dice to get his once promising career back on track. However, not even a boyhood spent growing up in London's East End prepares him for the crooked shenanigans, bloated former British footballing jetsam and the underground party drugs scene that welcome him to life in paradise.

 

Quotes :

 

"Being an old West Ham boy who grew up in East London and played in Malaysia, it’s clear to me that Neil Humphreys knows this world.

Match Fixer paints a vivid picture of life as a professional footballer - colourful, exciting and unpredictable. It really is a fascinating book."

 

Tony Cottee

Former England, West Ham, Everton and Selangor striker

 

"A brilliant journey from the harsh realities of making the grade in the English Premiership, via the A-League and onto the sobering realities of football corruption in Asia – 9/10."

 

Trevor Treharne, Australian FourFourTwo magazine

 

"Knowing Singapore rather well, and now that I find myself working in the game, I think Match Fixer has an intriguing insider’s perspective of both worlds. It’s an engrossing look at the Asian football scene."

 

Nick Leeson

Galway United CEO and author of Rogue Trader

 

"Americans may not know anything about English football — heck, we’re not even sure that short-pants stuff really

is football. But there’s nothing we love more than a scandal that runs all the way up to the big guys. Neil Humphreys delivers that and more in the form of a bang-up tale of an English footballer adrift in the perplexing land of Singapore, a hard-edged odyssey of sex, drugs and football that will keep you turning pages to the very end. I friggin’ loved it."

 

Jake Needham

Author of the best-selling crime fiction The Big Mango